What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize