What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
