Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize