i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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