i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
