omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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