Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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