At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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