hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
