the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
