Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
