Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
