We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
