im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
