well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
