she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she peed on how many people?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
