Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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