We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
