Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
