Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
