Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we're so committed to being not committed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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