i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
