I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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