we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
