So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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