Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize