Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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