She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love having hate sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
