I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
PANTIES FOUND
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
