Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
