you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
