Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
