My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
