Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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