Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
