You just made me feel so damn special
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
