If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is Oprah even human
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize