no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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