Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
