I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
