i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
