Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize