Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
