I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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