she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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