You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hippo gnu deer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
