moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
