i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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