ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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