Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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