Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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