my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize