Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
