worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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