I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
