I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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