Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
