Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize