So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
