well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
