i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
