We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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